Bombs Away

In keeping with yesterday's theme of embarrassing teenage musical interests, I shall now reprint a list that I found in a box of my old belongings at my mom's house this past Thanksgiving. It is titled "Top 25 of 1986" (my 2008 comments are in bold, followed by a video, if necessary):

25. Arcadia, "Goodbye Is Forever"
Ouch. As you will see and hear, this is not a song you want to have in your top twenty-five, no matter how much of a dipshit you were at the time. (Doesn't Simon Le Bon look like William Shatner here?)



24. Tears for Fears, "Mother's Talk"
This is arguably the worst song on Songs from the Big Chair, and certainly the one with the worst title. I was probably trying to be contrary -- to myself, the only person ever to read this (until now). Dumb-ass. (Bonus: Check out Howie Mandel at the very beginning of the video.)




23. Run-DMC, "Walk This Way"
I'm surprised this one didn't rank higher. No defense (or video) necessary.

22. The Beatles, "Twist and Shout"
Two words: Ferris Bueller.

21. Andy Taylor, "Take It Easy"
I was the only guy in the world to buy the Duran Duran guitarist's first solo album, Thunder. I still have it, actually, in my stack of long-neglected LPs, right next to Sammy Hagar's VOA. I also still have a hangover from getting drunk on this song, the aural equivalent of Boone's Farm.



20. Run-DMC, "You Be Illin'"
"Dinner/You ate it/There is none left..." So rapped the dynamic duo in this not-so-tasty nugget from Raising Hell.



19. Falco, "Jeanny"
Holy crap! What the fuck was my problem??? Proof that I used to molest collies (metaphorically speaking) can be found by watching the video to this painfully melodramatic song.



18. Journey, "Girl Can't Help It"
Ugliest band ever? (And, yeah, that includes American Idol hoss Randy Jackson, who debuted as Journey's replacement bassist on this album and tour.)



17. Phil Collins, "Take Me Home"
Is there really anything to say (or show)? No. No, there isn't.

16. Andy Taylor, "When the Rain Comes Down"
Again with the most inferior Taylor! This one was included on the Miami Vice II soundtrack, explaining my interest in it. But oh, oh man -- it is terrible. More terrible is that I have no memory of this song or video, signifying some sort of trauma.



15. Cameo, "Word Up"
Seriously.



14. David Lee Roth, "Yankee Rose"
"My doctor said I need to take a laxative!"



13. Falco, "Rock Me Amadeus"
This video is great and all, but the version of the song that I loved was the "Salieri mix," because it had the long, spoken-word intro summing up Mozart's life and death (and my utter dorkiness).



12. Bon Jovi, "You Give Love a Bad Name"
It's hard to deny the excellence of this song.

11. Eddie Murphy, "Party All the Time"
It's hard to deny the shittiness of this one.



10. Huey Lewis and the News, "Stuck With You"
The first of three Huey Lewis songs in the top ten. Man, I loved Fore!

9. John Taylor, "I Do What I Do"
What the...? How did this trifle, from the 9 1/2 Weeks soundtrack, make my top ten? Answer: 'ludes.



8. Bon Jovi, "Living on a Prayer"
It's weird to be reminded in my own 16-year-old handwriting just how much I liked Bon Jovi in their early days.

7. Huey Lewis and the News, "Jacob's Ladder"
I was just totally groovin' to this song -- not sure I've heard it since the 1980s. Succumb to Huey!



6. Duran Duran, "Notorious"
Worst Duran Duran album of the 1980s. Possibly the worst single -- after "Wild Boys," of course. Man, that one was a turd.



5. Van Halen, "Best of Both Worlds"
I refuse to acknowledge this one.

4. ZZ Top, "Velcro Fly"
Before looking this song up, I had no idea how it went. After watching the video, I'm still not sure. Or at least that's what I'm going to pretend.



3. Huey Lewis and the News, "Hip to Be Square"
And I was so totally square! And hip, apparently.



2. Oran "Juice" Jones, "The Rain"
"You without me is like cornflake without the milk."



1. Arcadia, "Election Day"
Unreservedly: What a stinker.



WHY I'M ANGRY TODAY
I feel like drinking a shitload of beer. Can't.